Go to enough atheist websites and meetup events, and you'll notice something: there sure are a lot of men!  Now people are people, don't get me wrong - atheism isn't a "male thing" or a "female thing".  Making efforts to include women shouldn't be at the exclusion of making men feel welcome too.  On the contrary, the more women we bring into the atheist community, the more people we'll have altogether, and the stronger the community will grow.  Everyone wins!

I read a very insightful list today about how to encourage women in Linux.  I encourage you to read the original, but I'm creating a similar list for atheists.  This is mostly written to a male audience, but it's very applicable to women as well.  Hopefully many of you will find this helpful.

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Don't tell sexist jokes.  Most men I know would say they don't do this.  Some of them don't, but some of them only think they don't.  Ask yourself: if the genders were reversed in this joke, would it still be funny?  If so, then reverse the man with the woman in your joke, and then tell it - it should still be funny.  If not, then you probably should scratch it off your list.

Do protest sexist jokes.  If you hear a joke that doesn't pass the "gender reversal" test, call them out.  Yes, people will say you're just being sensitive or a spoil-sport.  They'll get over it.

Don't call people bitches.  Women do overhear how you talk about other women, and it affects their involvement in the group.

Do show some respect.  The cliche advice is to treat every woman as if she were your sister/mother/grandmother.  Again, women do overhear - if you treat everyone with respect, man and woman, she'll have no cause to stay away.

Don't take the "keyboard" away.  If a woman is trying to find her place in the group, or is asking questions or feeling confused about something, don't take over for her.  Society already sends enough messages to women that they aren't competent enough to do things for themselves.  By avoiding this, you'll be making a positive impact on her decision to keep getting more involved.

Do give directions and explain them clearly.  This shows that she is worth your patience, and that you respect her intelligence.  It will also empower her to have the tools she needs the next time around, so she'll be less likely to need anyone's help.

Don't make sexual advances.  Imagine if you were to walk into a house of worship while wearing an atheist t-shirt.  You'd feel like you constantly have to defend yourself at every turn.  That's no way to relax and feel comfortable and accepted.  Women feel the same way when men make sexual advances: they suddenly have to be on the defense at a time when they're trying to open themselves up to connecting with the community.

Do act friendly.  Most men and women like to have friends of both genders.  Being friendly is a great first step.

Don't complain about the lack of women in atheism.  This isn't to say that you shouldn't bring the topic up.  But don't complain about it: don't whine, don't lament, don't talk about how inconvenienced you are by the gender gap.  Women aren't going to join as a personal favor to you.  Plus, it makes the women who are already there feel like you're expecting them to meet your needs somehow, or that they're being overlooked completely.

Do encourage women in atheism.  Everyone likes some encouragement now and then.

Don't stare when women arrive.  They already feel a bit out of place, this only serves to solidify that feeling.

Do treat new arrivals politely.  This sends the message that not only do they not stick out, but you've been expecting them!

Don't treat women stereotypically.  We're just as diverse as men are in our interests and attitudes.  You won't know what we're really about till you get to know us.

Do treat women as normal people.

Don't criticize too much.  In a world where far too often women are told that they're less competent than men are in male-dominated fields, criticism is less likely to be appreciated at face value.

Do compliment.  Don't invent things to compliment, but try to see the good things people are doing, and show that you notice them.

Don't invite only male speakers.  This is a HUGE issue, one I really ought to place at the top of the list, except that it applies to only 1% of readers.  When you have 9 male speakers and only 1 woman speaker (or worse, none), you're sending out the message that "Atheism is for men."

Do ask women to speak.  Don't say you can't find any women - that means you're not looking hard enough.    At the very least, you could find a few people from within your local community to each give a short 10-minute presentation or story.  This also shows that you care about the grassroots, not just the most popular names in atheism.

Don't make your meeting hard to attend.  Women are more likely in our society to be the primary caretaker of young children.  This need must be addressed if you want women to feel included.  The issue of child care cannot be ignored.  Also, make sure you're not picking too many male-dominated locations (such as sports bars).

Do make meetings easy to attend.  When in doubt, ask your members what works best for most.  Be sure to vary times and places if possible, so that those who work evenings and weekends will still be able to make it to the occasional morning event.

Don't make new people feel unwelcome.  They don't know what to expect, so they'll likely sit along the outside and talk very little.  That can make them seem uninterested, but more likely it's shyness.

Do help new people get involved.  Tell them about all the different ways they can find their niche, and guide them into it.  Help them find a reason to get motivated, and the community will grow.

Don't underestimate girlfriends or wives.  Don't assume that the girlfriend/wife is only coming to meetings because her man is there.  She's not an accessory.

Do treat girlfriends and wives as independent people.  She's here because she wants to be.  She's not just a Mrs. Male Atheist.  She has her own ideas and expectations, and her own desires to fit in.  Respect that she's her own person by asking her questions even if her boyfriend/husband has already given his opinion on the same topic.

Reminder: If  you aren't the problem, then you aren't the problem.  If nobody is saying, "You, John Smith, are the problem", then you are not being accused of being the problem, (and believe me, if you're being a problem, you'll be told so in no uncertain terms).  If you feel the need to defend yourself as not being the problem when nobody has accused you of being the problem, it might be a good idea to ask yourself why that is.  Perhaps our discussions are hitting much closer to home than you realize?

In Part 1 we discussed how privilege isn't good or bad by itself, it simply is.  In Part 2 we talked about how being told we have privilege can feel like an accusation of guilt, but it's really not about us at all.  So if privilege doesn't make us good or bad, and we don't need to feel good or bad about it, what are we supposed to do with it?  Understand it!

The best we can understand our privilege is by reading about it and listening to what others have to say, even if we don't agree.  This is active listening: as the internet forum saying goes, "lurk before you leap".  You will learn far quicker and have fewer misunderstandings if you attempt to research your questions for yourself before asking questions or making statements.  Example: most atheists want "in God we trust" taken off the national currency.  A Christian who is willing to learn about his own religious privilege in the United States would research why we want this change.  One who is not willing to learn would jump right into the conversation and accuse atheists of hating god and Christians, and even of hating America.  This doesn't mean "sit down and shut up".  This just means that we don't want you to accidentally put your foot in your mouth.  :)

Recognize that resenting privilege is not the same as hating those who possess privilege.  If that were the case, we'd all have someone to hate us for something we can't control, because very few of us are literally without any privilege whatsoever.  Understand that it's okay for people without privilege to resent that fact.  Most atheists resent religious privilege all the time, but very few hate Christians, Muslims, and Buddhists.  Many atheists resent how believing in god is an un-written requirement for being President of the United States, but few of us hate the President for believing in god.  When you see what you feel is hateful speech, stop and think if it's possible that what you might be viewing as hate towards a people group is in fact resentment towards an imbalanced system.

Understand that no two types of privilege are the same.  No two forms of inequality are the same.Again to use religion, a black Christian cannot say that her experience with racial inequality qualifies her to empathize with atheists who are outcasts, although she would be very qualified to sympathize with us.  In order to empathize with us, she'd have to spend time in a country where her religion is in the minority and experience how difficult life is in those conditions, or else actually become an atheist.  This does not mean that sympathy is unwelcome!  It simply means that saying "I've been the subject of discrimination too!" could easily sound like you're trying to invalidate their experiences or top them with your own.  And since that's not what you mean at all, and since nobody wants to falsely accuse you of being insensitive, it's best that you understand how you sound before you say things that could be misunderstood.

Learn from your mistakes, accept forgiveness, and move on.  If people hold your errors against you, simply say "I've apologized and I'm willing to move forward.  I hope you'll be adult enough to do the same."  Don't feel like you need to carry any guilt with you, because emotional baggage won't help anyone, and will only make you feel bad.  On the flip side, if someone with privilege admits they were wrong, let it drop!  No dragging people through the mud, that won't help progress.  Think about it this way: people who are trying to make a difference make far more mistakes than people who sit at home and do nothing at all.  If we all learn how to learn from our errors, it will make us stronger and more effective agents for social equality.

Question: what has been the most useful resource for helping you to understand your own privilege?

Note: As my target audience again is mostly non-religious people, in particular those on Atheist Nexus, I've mostly pulled my examples from a privilege we can all see easily: religious/Christian privilege.  I don't do this to pick on religious people.  I do this because privilege is very difficult to identify if its something we already possess, but almost everyone on AN lacks religious privilege.