Someone asked this question on the Nexus: when you first became atheist, how did you feel? How did you cope? I've been living a relatively atheistic life for about a month and a half but advice/thoughts are very much appreciated :)

My response:

One of the fun things about being atheist is there are all sorts of peripheral advantages you may not have realized before. My favorite is that there are no more thought crimes. Here is an example: What God Has Done

God judges more than the act, he also judges the intentions of the heart.

God sees the lust in your heart as being adultery. “But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart .” Matt. 5:28

God sees the hate in your heart as murder. “But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment…but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.” Matt. 5:22 God records every sin to be used against you in the Day of Judgment. You have built an airtight case against yourself. Have you ever wondered what your record (all your thoughts included) might look like so far? Would you be ashamed for your mother to read it? “Be sure your sin will find you out.” Numbers 32:23

That's right, god is supposedly against the very things that make you human: diversity of thoughts and feelings. Nevermind that you don't act on any of the bad ones, you're still going to hell for thinking about it. This flies directly in the face of "God as our Heavenly Father". I have a son. Now imagine if he told me "Mom, I wanted to hit another child, but I decided not to". Would I spank him or send him to his room without supper? No! I'd give him a hug and say I'm proud of him for overcoming his anger. Not god - get angry at someone and you will be punished, even if you had the good sense not to lay a hand on her!

The most disgusting part of that webpage, and indeed the entirety of their doctrine, is that they present Christianity as the solution, when clearly it is the problem! ("Sin" and "hell" and "thought crimes" aren't a regular part of non-Christian philosophy.) It's almost like living with an abusive spouse. You do something that he doesn't like, he yells at you and hits you, and then kisses all your bruises and tells you that he loves you and is sure you'll do better next time.

For this reason, a lot of people who leave Christianity have to take time to recover emotionally from that level of spiritual abuse, just like a woman who has left her abusive husband would need time to heal. If you're in that situation, I recommend that you check out the Life After Christian Fundamentalism group. There are a lot of good people there who are happy to listen to you and help you work through this difficult time in your life.

In order to address the popular messages being heard today, I decided to analyze the top pop songs I hear on the radio. Now, I know that some people listen to the radio just for the music, but I always like to listen to the lyrics as well, and I believe that pop music shows that we have a long way to go as far as gender considerations are concerned. First is a song that my boyfriend loves, which I hate. Luckily I win the radio war most of the time, and he switches the music when this comes on. What's so horrible about the song? It all starts with the name: Sexy Bitch.

The good news is that a Google search for the word “bitch” reveals that Bitch Magazine, a feminist publication, is the top search result. In slang usage, it is most commonly used to describe a woman or situation that is difficult to manage (such as feminists, hence the magazine title). In hip hop culture, however, this term has been expanded to mean any woman at all. While this may seem like a more innocent use, I believe it is anything but. Hip hop is a male-dominated industry, and for men to expand a degrading term to all women does not soften the word itself, but rather highlights the misogyny of the culture. This is especially poignant when one takes into account that the word “bitch”, when applied to both women and men, implies that they ought to behave as a subordinate to the one hurling the insult.

Moving on, this song by David Guetta is less about “bitch” and more about “sexy”. It is basically a man describing his ideal sexy woman, and his reaction to her sexiness. In the first stanza, he describes how every woman is envious of her, and in the second how they spread rumors about her sexual experiences. This is a common cultural theme, the idea that women are in competition with each other to impress men, along with the idea that having too much sex somehow reduces a woman's value. He “rescues” her from this insult in the third stanza by saying that “no wait! she's not like a whore!”, again comparing a woman who enjoys sex too much to a lower class sex worker. Unfortunately for him, society has left little space for celebrating female sexuality outside of the Madonna/whore dichotomy. David is at a loss for words at how to describe the female version of a “stud”, because all of the available metaphors our society has for sexually expressive women are degrading and none of them are appreciative. All he has left is “damn, girl!”.

After analyzing it, I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, Sexy Bitch actually does a good job of showing how the roles society has cut out for women are very constraining and not indicative if the reality: a diverse spectrum somewhere between the stereotypes of the chaste virgin and the dirty slut. On the other hand, it reinforces the idea that the ideal woman is one who is sexually receptive to men and who conforms to the current standard of how to perform “sexy”. I think that while it does highlight the dilemma many men feel when they try to express appreciation for a woman's physical features, it doesn't do enough to break the stereotypes that are confining the current model.

The second song is You Belong to Me. Taylor Swift is a favorite of many young girls (and their parents) for being the opposite of the last song. She is seen as a good role model of purity and innocence, where as the other woman is the role model of sexiness. If that woman was the “whore”, Taylor is the “Madonna”. That song was about sex, this song is about love. So the basic themes should be completely different, right? Not exactly.

Just as in the previous song, this is a story of females as rivals with each other for male attention. And if one were looking for a song that puts an end to slut-shaming, the music video for this song isn't the place to look. Taylor Swift actually acts out both roles, that of herself and her rival, and goes to town with the stereotypes. Virgin Taylor is dressed in a long white dress with blond ringlets, and is shy and submissive. Slut Taylor is dressed in a short red dress with glossy black hair, and is self-assured and flirtatious. The tableau unfolds to show that the bad girl is all about using her body to get what she wants, while the good girl knows that doing things the man's way is what counts.

The boy in this song might as well be faceless and nameless for all we know about him. What she likes about his personality is never mentioned, and his only winning trait seems to be his smile. In Sexy Bitch, what the man has to offer the woman is never mentioned, but that makes sense since it is sung from the perspective of the man. This song, however, is from the perspective of the girl. Shouldn't she be singing about what makes him so worthy of her love? Instead, the message is reinforced: women are the ones who perform for men. I find it sad that the girl who stands up for herself in the beginning ends up being framed as a lesser person because she's so difficult to manage (aka a bitch).

Now I'm depressed and need something positive. Too bad I can't turn to Lady Gaga, whom I adore, because her lyrics are simply undecipherable. Why not go to Taylor Swift's rival at the Grammys: Beyonce! When people first heard Single Ladies, a lot of them said “What is this song? She's calling herself 'it' and saying that men need to give women rings and propose marriage or else!” And at first I was like “Yeah, that is so backward, relationships should be based on more than simply winning a man.” After all, that's what the first two songs in this paper focus on – we really don't need more songs like that in pop music. But then I listened more closely and figured out what she was really trying to say.

This song is about a woman taking control of her life and moving on. In the first stanza, she is daring to be sexy on her own terms. She refuses to be seen as one or another man's property, especially one from whom she has already broken free. In the chorus, she basically tells him that she should be of value to him because of who she is, not because of how valued she is by other people outside of their relationship. This is the exact opposite message of Sexy Bitch, where a woman was celebrated as being more valuable because everyone wanted to have her or be her.

In the second stanza, she describes the man giving her attention as being just another accessory to her ensemble (like her lip gloss) for her fun night out. This is rather objectifying, but somewhat refreshing as it is usually the woman who is portrayed as the accessory to the man. She also explains how she gave her ex plenty of chance to offer her what she needs in a relationship, and he never came through for her. In the third stanza she goes on to say that what she really wants is love and commitment, not a superficial relationship based on ownership for the sake of possession. Unlike the women in the first two songs, Beyonce has standards and sticks to them, even if it means she ends up being single. And as she reminds “all the single ladies”, being single is about having fun on one's own terms!

I know a lot of people think that music should be written to convey a positive message. I agree that that sort of thing is important. But I also think that we can't expect music to be one way and society to be another. Music reflects the social norms as much as it guides them, because people buy music they can relate to. Things become popular that strike a chord within us. This is why Taylor Swift is so popular – she reminds us of what it was like being in high school and longing for that guy to notice us, but not knowing what to say. David Guetta taps into the male desire to express appreciation for the female form. Beyonce sings the anthem of women everywhere who are tired of men acting like they own us. I don't think that pop music sets a good example of how things should be. But it does provide a picture of how many people view the world, and it illustrates the roles that we are continually socialized into fulfilling.

Note: this is a school paper, if you were wondering why it deviates from my normal blogging style.